The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
