just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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