Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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