I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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