im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
