don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
