she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
