Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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