so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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