You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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