You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
