I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
