are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
