you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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