he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
