I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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