I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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