Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
