Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
