If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
