Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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