Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
