Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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