I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
