I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
