Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
