Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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