As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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