What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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