I faked an abortion last night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love you. Go after that dick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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