we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
