Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize