whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
