i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
