this beer tastes like vomit already
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
