i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
