I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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