When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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