i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
