Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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