This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
