He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
