sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
