erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
