I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
