At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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