so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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