Michael Bay diarrhea
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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