wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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