WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
