I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
