I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's get the cat blown out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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