I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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