oh god the rape fog is back!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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