Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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