apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
