Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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