the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
