Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
