You smell like stripper and shame
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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