apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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