I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
