please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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