Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
