apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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