just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
