Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
