It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
