I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
