Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
