Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
