We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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