is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
