I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
