pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
