do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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