do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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