I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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