Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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