Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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