I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
