he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
