i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
