so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
