Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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