when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
