Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
