Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
