the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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